Goodbye

So, to anyone that’s reading this

 

Hello

 

and if i happened to pop up in someone’s email inbox because they forgot they had a wordpress account, hello to you too.

 

I forgot i had this blog. I forgot how long it took me to think of the username ‘misseejit’. I forgot every like and comment I got made me feel like someone was actually listening, or reading anyway. I forgot how the prospect that anyone in the world could be reading this right now made me really happy.

I read through each and every single one of my past posts today, and honestly? I was proud of myself, ha, weird isn’t it? I thought i might read anything I wrote when I was 13 and die and unbelievable death by embarrassment.  But no, I actually think 13 year old Hannah did a pretty good job, I think her writing style wasn’t perfect but it’s far from excruciatingly painful. 

I actually read some of the little quips and jokes I made and was sort of charmed, it was really endearing as in reality, I don’t think I could come up with half those things today. And whilst I failed to get a subscription number in double figures at least, this whole thing was really fun.

 

So hi there, this is Hannah, and this is probably the last post on this blog, ever. why? I have plans. Big plans, insomuch I hope I’ll tell someone about a stupid blog I set up when i was 12 that no one read and for a few months it was the best thing in the world. So adios, for a little while anyway.

Hating Everything

Hello to the three people who may or may not have made the effort to read this. What’s new with you all?

The new Mumford and Sons album was released in September and I can tell you I have been listening to Babel and all its glory. One of the best albums of all time frankly. But that’s just my opinion of course. Below My Feet, Hopeless Wanderer, Babel and I Will Wait are all complete triumphs, will the others require a little more time to connect with. Collectively, they may or may not be better than Roll Away Your Stone and The Cave. Maybe.

My other musical discoveries are Lana Del Rey, whose voice is its own class of beautiful and mesmerising.  The Vaccines, who really should write more songs like Norgaard. Jake Bugg’s new album is world class, every last song is AMAZING.  And Frank Ocean….ok, here’s the thing with old Franky babes, the only songs on Channel Orange I can say I actually like are Forrest Gump and Super Rich Kids. Sorry not sorry. Jay-Z and Kanye West and Watch The Throne Is one album I didn’t expect myself to love really. But Ni***s in Paris? Enough said.

THAT SHIT CRAY.

I tell you what irritates me too, it gets dark too freaking quickly recently. I’ve just finished homework and all I see out the window are freaking street lights. And my dogs. They glow in the dark.

 

What I’m about to say may be extremely awful but since I was really really really young I’ve always prided myself on being a positive person. But recently, I’ve realised how much I hate everything. Seriously. I moan and complain and end up all moody and shit over seriously petty things I would never have got bothered over this time last year. Lets just break it down into a list very briefly

• Slow walkers in the corridor or on the street need a rocketship placed up their asses, maybe that’ll make them walk a little faster.
• Hollister Clothing, because putting a bird on a pair of jeans allows them to be 250% more expensive than normal.
• When people counteract sarcastic comments with a crafty reply of their own. Sly cretins.
• When people make an indirect-yet-direct comment about one of your flaws. You know, when they make that same joke they do everyday about your really loud laugh or nervous habit of fiddling with your hair. Did you really think that was just a joke?
• People that copy you
• People that laugh over things that aren’t that funny. Yes, that boy tripped up the stairs, can we please get on with our lives?
• People that try to tell you a “hilarious” story of something that happened to something you weren’t invited to. Does this face look like its gives a damn how funny it was?
• ‘like for likes’ or any of that shit on facebook
• ‘LIKE AND SHARE IF YOU LIKE OREOS, IGNORE IF AND YOUR GRANDMA WILL DIE’

 

And that’s just a brief description of the things that make my blood boil on a daily basis.

(Not that anyone gives a damn) leave a comment telling me of really stupid things that get you angry. I care, really, I do.

The Experience

Wow, would you think it’s been a year since I set this shit up? And look what’s happened since then. I told you guys about One Direction, now they’ve taken over the whole fucking planet. I dyed my hair red this time last year, and it’s really been something I regret with every inch of my being, as its completely ruined my hair. 

 

Well as there’s so much i could possibly say, i suppose I better start with something rather comical. 

So basically, a nightclub where I live has an under eighteen night every so often, and of course my friends had been bugging me bugging me to go with them too. Eventually the night came about, and this venture began.

So my friend (who has been before to this place on many an occasion) walk in and BOOM hit with wave 5ft boys that smelt like hair gel and gravy and girls with bright orange complexions, bright pink lips and the darkest eyeliner I’ve ever seen in my life (that was no make up, that was fucking war paint). Bright lights, loud music and security at every corner watching our every moves, i couldn’t help but laugh and marvel and the outfits and behavior  of what represented people my age.

In all honesty it was like Animal Planet or some shit. and then, i was approached.

A boy that looked more pond life that human basically asked me to ‘make out’ with him. What did I say? NO. And i did the entire night.

But this was like some sort of sport for these people. Kissing going on everywhere I looked and god knows what going on everywhere else. I know maybe you reading this won’t find it particularly hilarious, but i was for me. And all i want to know now is, what the fuck were those poor security men thinking that whole time.

But really? is this how my generation is going to be depicted? I’ll never understand why we get so much shit for the things we do, because as far as I can gather, my parents did the exact same things we did.

 

They, however, did not get caught.

Proof of Existence

No, readers, your eyes do not deceive you, this really is a blog post…by me.

I’m sorry, okay, it’s just, well you know the story-  a lot of shits been going down recently. My family is pissed off for variety of reasons, my friends were pissed off for a variety of reasons (one of them being me) and I was pissed off for all of the above.  But don’t expect me to start writing depressed Facebook status’ ( I got twitter now #lolzzz (Go on, try and find me, and get a special prize) this in turn means Facebook can do a bebo and die, essentially.

Just to sum up how LONG I’ve been ignoring you all let go through what’s happened since I was last on here shall we;

• One Direction are just about everywhere, bitches, I found them first

 

• I discovered a multitude of Youtubers: Bertiebertg, Sezrules, Bribry etc, etc.

 

• Demi Lovato skyped Niall Horan an the world went insane

 

• I discovered Bribry and I went insane ( Sum Me Up is such a good song, I just cant take it anymore)

 

• Call Me Maybe. Enough said.

 

• I saw The Avengers (or as it’s called in the UK for some extremelyirrelevant reason ‘Marvel’s Avengers Assemble) and went into 100% Iron Man/Thor/Captain America/ Hawkeye’s shite/Robert Downey Jr > Life/asdfghj rampage.

 

• I sat exams – I shan’t go in to the gory details, all is best forgotten.

 

• Being British is now apparently something to be proud of, 2012 means The Jubilee and The Olympics etc. But hold on, when we reach January 1st 2013, the government and everyone else will be thinking WHAT THE FUCK WILL WE DO NOW?! 

 

• Also, the government has no money, supposedly, yet I question who paid for Will.I.Am ( also known as ‘That’s dope’ or ‘William’) to jump about a stage on top of a fountain?

 

• The Voice turned into X Factor in a shockingly short amount of time.

 

• Miley Cyrus got engaged. Yep.

 

You know your life has reached the peak of RIVETING when you’re watching Cash in The Attic on a Sunday evening pr-evening. Bazinga.

 

I went to church today. I could FEEL the eyes of pensioners judging and analysing my being. I sat with my Dad, another non-church goer, and we sat trying not to laugh. Also, I got stopped in the street by ‘Do you have moment for God?’ and I stood there awkwardly while Christian friend chatted with him happily. It’s a sign. Amen.

 

I got a Blackberry and I’ve hated myself ever since, seriously, it’s just terrible, I switching to IPhone as soon as I possibly can.

Anyway, this blog had no particular topic other than letting you all know I was alive. Alright then. Bye.

Nature hates me

It’s come to light on several occasions that nature, defiantly, does not like me.
Anytime I’m in a place of natural preservation, I’m chewed up and spat back out again.
I’m not the outdoor type, not because I’m prissy and couldn’t bare having mud on my new shoes but because I simply can’t deal with it, and it can’t deal with me. For example;

I was at a park in southern Ireland, I stepped in dog shit.

When i was younger, At school it was a sunny day so I lay down on the grass for a while…I then found a worm in my hair.

I went for a walk in a forest, tripped over a root in the ground five times.

At an outdoor pursuits centre we climbed up a mountain- but we climbed through all the crevices in the boulders as we went…I got properly stuck twice and had to be pulled out.

Anytime I attempt to go for a run or even a walk, it starts raining.

And finally today, at a park with my friends, I SAT yes, SAT in dog shit, seriously people bag your dog excretion for the love of God or it will find it’s way to me, and from there it’ll find it’s way onto Facebook courtesy of my friends. Love my life.

So as you can see, it’s pretty clear Mother Nature is holding some kind of grudge against me, seriously- But hey, gives me yet another excuse to stay on the Internet my entire life.

YouTubers

I am a YouTube addict, I’ll admit it. My parents would say it’s at the extent that I even need to go to special meetings because of it. But as I promised a post today and I thought it appropriate to make a post about my favourite Youtubers, so in no particular order;

JennaMarbles

Probably one of the most hilarious youtubers I’ve came across in a while. The things she says in her videos about What Girls Do…etc. I quit literally l of my chair laughing- invented the ‘go away’ face
Recommend: How to get guys to like you, How to avoid talking to people you don’t want to talk to

Lukeisnotsexy

Damn funny student from Sheffield, he isn’t exactly everyone’s cup of tea but I love him anyway. Tends to talk shit a lot (He made a Justin Bieber parody of Boyfriend called “If I had a penis”- take that as you will) and has a hilarious talent when it comes to narrating gaming videos
Recommend: The Experiment, YouTube Survey 2011!, The Carnage Continues

Danisnotonfire

Another British YouTuber that brightens up your day with anecdotes about his unbelievably awkward facepalm-worthy life and a constant reminder that no matter how shit your life is, Dan Howell’s is somehow more so.
Recommended: How I Got Fired, Left-Handism

Commuinitychannel

Does Natalie Tran need any introduction whatsoever? I mean really? Where have you been if you’ve not heard of her? My mum rates her.
Recommend: All of it!

Nerimon

Musician first and YouTuber second, Alex Day’s single Forever Yours peaked at Number 4 on the Uk Christmas Charts. He doesn’t give a damn what people think of him, made his own card game, founded a band that sings about Doctor Who, lives with Charlieissocoollike, and has a liking for Taylor Swift. Awesomeness on a whole new level.
Recommend: Lady Godiva, Embarrassing teenager

I could list so many more; Charlieissocoollike, amazingphil, nigahiga, but I simply can’t be bothered my lazy ass. Haha, and links to videos? You obviously have working internet, google it yourself.
That’s all for today so I’ll see you all sometime after the weekend.

That’s What She Said

Wow, again, I really need to get regular with these blog posts again.

You will never believe what I’m about to say- The sun in actually SHINING, and it’s MODERATELY WARM in Ireland! *Bbm shocked face* Yes, I know, freak weather indeed.

I’ve always tried to be a bit of a comedienne but recently my usage of That’s what she said is spiralling out of control, my friends have warned me if i don’t stop I’ll die alone. Pfft, yeah like it wasn’t gonna happen anyways.

Realised how crap I am at FIFA on Xbox when I was the goalie and I scored an own goal. Hey, looks like I’m not half male after all.
Speaking of sport, how crap am I at tennis? I hit the ball ‘straight’ and it ends up hitting the person in the court to my right.

Wow, looks like One Direction are doing well for themselves…

One more day and then no school for two weeks and I can actually enjoy these phenomenal weather conditions – I swear its 18 Celsius and half of the country thinks the place with be arid by the time the week ends. But anyways, I’ll see you lot again on TUESDAY (I promise…ish)

Varying levels of intelligence

Today, I went for a walk around the country roads in which I live – as I was bored and decided while they’re was a moment when it WASN’T raining (it’s Ireland, any day it doesn’t rain is considered a ‘good day’) I’d gather myself up and lazily plod up and down hills with Ed Sheeran blasting through my earphones. I surprised myself a little by running (yes RUNNING) up a few hills and bouncing in and out of jogging and ‘power walking’.
Typically half way, the heavens opened and turned from an a barely-there drizzle to a properly unmerciful downpour.
After twenty minutes i eventually arrived home completely drenched and unable to see due to the amount of water on my glasses. How smart am I? Not very, as this would demonstrate.

It’s finally hit me that I have a MASSIVE homework due that I’ve had over a month to prepare for and I haven’t got one thing done for it- and it’s to be done using this rather annoying computer software that only my school’s computers have.
Reason why I hate technology #537

How did everyone’s Valentine’s go? I find it the ultimate pranking opportunity, call me shallow but when an absolute beauty of a class joke can be made from an unlikely couple and then relived and placed on an entirely different level of course I’m going to be the one to step up to the plate. Let’s just say all has been forgiven, and I have been warned that revenge shall be brought upon me….
#WatchOutWeGotABadassOverHere

I came last in my class for Religious Education, perhaps it’s a sign…

Definition from the Official Dictionary of Sarcasm #2
IKEA- a retail furniture warehouse whose motto is “here you freaking’ build it”

The Invisible Social Life

I think I’ve said before that English is the one subject that I expect 100% from myself in. Which is why I’m slightly worried that my French mark was 1% off my English. The fact I’m seemingly knowing more about a foreign language than my own speaks for itself really.

Since my social life is like my MacBook ( I don’t own a MacBook) I spend my weekends bouncing between Cake Boss, 9gag, YouTube, The Big Bang Theory, whatever MTV’s showing and Friends. I have to hand it to ComedyCentral, showing Friends back to back on Saturday and Sunday? What a way to shove it up T4.

I tried the whole New Year New You thing and decided I actually sit and check what homework I had the night before, rather than the whole “HOMEWORK? WE HAD HOMEWORK?!” routine every morning. I also tried what Jamie Oliver suggested; to be ‘healfy’. Mostly because I’ve been asked to be a bridesmaid for my cousin- so I’ll have to wear a dress…if it’s long enough I could probably get away with my Converse underneath…yeah that could work.

Definition From The Official Sarcasm Dictionary #1
Opinionated- knowing absolutely nothing really loudly

Mimicking a trumpet and other such adventures

This week, I have been locked in a room with people sitting in straight lines – Sectioned in a metal institute? I wish. This phenomena involves me of course catching a ghastly cold SLAP BANG in the middle of this examination process. Yes just like most people my age I’m taking exams 😦 *sad face FML* Also, every time I actually take the polite approach to coping with nasal congestion by holding a tissue to my nasal passages and mimicking a trumpet, the entire exam room turns around to look at me like I’m some sort of freak.
My Facebook newsfeed is abominated with Omg I hate exams :'(, Ugh Miss/Mr ___ is so AWFUL!!, English will be THE DEATH OF ME!!! Meanwhile I quip, “Heading to the convent anyway, so feck it all”.

Snow Patrol’s new album Fallen Empires was something I got for Christmas that I’ll happily admit to. Why? It’s just SO.GOOD. I’m being serious, if you get a chance, check them out. Really, something positive came out of Northern Ireland- hard to believe I know. I’d put the links up but unless you’re half chimp or something, get your ass to Google and type S-N-O-W P-A-T-R-O-L.
And do me a favour and tell me what you think if you do get a listen, I kind of love them just.

I was away this weekend and before we left, mother told me to tidy my room. Why? What logic is there for tidying a room that I won’t be living in until the next weekend? “because I said so,” she’d say
because I said so- translation- Because I’ve more authority over you until you turn eighteen. True story.