Category Archives: me and my problems

Mimicking a trumpet and other such adventures


This week, I have been locked in a room with people sitting in straight lines – Sectioned in a metal institute? I wish. This phenomena involves me of course catching a ghastly cold SLAP BANG in the middle of this examination process. Yes just like most people my age I’m taking exams 😦 *sad face FML* Also, every time I actually take the polite approach to coping with nasal congestion by holding a tissue to my nasal passages and mimicking a trumpet, the entire exam room turns around to look at me like I’m some sort of freak.
My Facebook newsfeed is abominated with Omg I hate exams :'(, Ugh Miss/Mr ___ is so AWFUL!!, English will be THE DEATH OF ME!!! Meanwhile I quip, “Heading to the convent anyway, so feck it all”.

Snow Patrol’s new album Fallen Empires was something I got for Christmas that I’ll happily admit to. Why? It’s just SO.GOOD. I’m being serious, if you get a chance, check them out. Really, something positive came out of Northern Ireland- hard to believe I know. I’d put the links up but unless you’re half chimp or something, get your ass to Google and type S-N-O-W P-A-T-R-O-L.
And do me a favour and tell me what you think if you do get a listen, I kind of love them just.

I was away this weekend and before we left, mother told me to tidy my room. Why? What logic is there for tidying a room that I won’t be living in until the next weekend? “because I said so,” she’d say
because I said so- translation- Because I’ve more authority over you until you turn eighteen. True story.

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Should I panic now?


Ok, so here’s the thing, I’m slight on
edge at the current moment.

I received one of those (what I thought to be) hilarious chain mail joke texts from a relative, but as It was a bit of a risky one, I sent it only to a handful of people that I knew should get the joke.

After the positive feedback and endless LOLs, I sent it to a few more friends.
But you see, I sent it to a friend who I haven’t texted in a while, and after it was sent, I got a reply asking “who is this???!” So Obviously I replied, identifying myself.
Now I’m panicking, as my friend got a new phone recently (and possibly a new number) so I’m worrying incase of the likely she has passed on her old phone (and possible old phone number…that I sent the message too) to her sister.

I haven’t got a reply yet, and like I said, the text was slightly risky. In fact not even slightly, it was a 50/50 chance of humorous approval. And now, I may have sent the risky text to my friend’s either younger or older sister. Who now knows who I am. Dammit.

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Drama, joy, failures and the future


So just for the record, I currently have

  • a friend ignoring me
  • A friend who thinks she’s better than me
  • A friend trying to turn me to Christianity
  • A friend I communicate soley through Facebook
  • a friend who’s being bitched about by a friend, and is now returning the favour and bitching about the friend who’s bitching about her
  • a friend asking me for advice
  • and my closest friend and I are slowly drifting apart.
    Yah, my life is a spider web of drama and there’s so many flies caught in it, this spider doesn’t know which one to tend to first.

    I also was the only one in my science class to fail a test. This means my science teacher wants me to repeat it tomorrow during lunch. It kind of hit me…Im not doing that well in school recently. I’m constantly forgetting homework, procrastinating when I should be studying, answering back etc. And everything else…is slowly going down hill.
    So yeah- FML

    On a lighter note, I think I’ll do psychology for GSCE. I just think it’s interesting. I’ve gone off the idea of being a doctor, I’ll stick with english and journalism. I mean, I’m good at english, I like english, it just makes sense in my brain-but subjects like science that I’m
    genuinely interested in, require a lot of hard work, something I think I’ll get bored of.
    But of course, as per usual, mother only sees medicine and law as acceptable career choices for me. I say journalism, she seems ok, but I know inside shes rolling her eyes when I tell her I want to be at press conferences rather than performing a heart transplant.
    English just clicks, It just comes to me. Things just make sense. Like 1 + 1= 2.
    It’s easy, and i instinctually know the answer. for example,a character (a murderer) in a text in English class was described as ‘inhuman’- this means he doesn’t posses human qualities such as emotions. This means he can’t feel pain or sadness or guilt, in turn suggesting he’s merciless.
    In some cases, journalism is like blogging and getting paid and having a career out of it.

    Okay, I’d better do something about this science. L8RS.

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    Step away from the phone dude- seriously!


    Last year, I made it my mission to gather as many classmates (in my form class or ‘home room’- see? I’m so nice I put the American equivalent! Ho hum) phone numbers as possible as my phone had a feeble amount of contacts on comparison to others . Call it sad, call it greedy or attention seeking, but having EVERYONES phone number is kinda ‘the done thing’.

    I made the mistake of texting one boy on a sunday evening because i was bored, who we’ll refer to as Jed, as his hair is like jedward only even more buzzin’ than usual.

    This texting began back in May, and seriously, this dude texts me everyday- he has a fricken problem. Its always “Hey Wat u @t” because yeah, replacing the letter a with @ makes you so fricken cool and it’s so clever because @ means at and he texted at. Some sarcastic genius rage there from yours truly.

    He’s always sending me those sick chain-joke messages too that are either offensive or genuinely not funny. It’s annoying me.
    For example, me and my friend were having an extremely important text conversation based on recent events in school, so every time I got a text I was on edge about the contents of that message.
    Suddenly, Jed decides to text at the exact same time as my friend, and naturally I assume it’s my friend, I quickly bash a reply on my qwerty keyboard.
    (I don’t have a blackberry or an iPhone, it’s a nokia with a qwerty- ‘Nuff said)
    Then I saw the conversation on my phone- the reply, which included extreme detail of our conversation was sending to Jed!
    Luckily I cancelled the message in time. But if it had sent, it would have meant social suicide.

    It’s bugging me- I have a fricken stalker! Aaaaaaah!
    Jeez, it’s annoying.

    Did I mention that it’s annoying me? No? Well it’s annoying me. Booya!

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    ive got a rep to maintain


    Mother woke me up this morning by turning the light on and screaming at me. I dived under the duvet and when I came up for air, I saw my clock reading ‘7:00’ – A time I haven’t stared in the face since God knows when and Foo Fighters were blasting on the radio bullying me out of bed. Charming.

    I stared at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. I don’t count myself as a particularly vain person but I do like my hair- a lot. Even since I dyed it it’s been in such good condition. I often get complements as it is very long (it goes past my armpit FYI) and I do like my locks. I do 🙂 . I went downstairs to find One Direction on Daybreak. I’m not really a boy band kinda girl but I have to admit that their song ‘what make you beautiful’ is pretty damn awesome, I’m not a big fan of The Wanted or JLS or Mcfly or that horrendous group off Nickelodeon, but I must admit that One Direction are a bunch of very very very handsome lads. See aren’t they just yum?

    phwoar!

    I had PE in which, like I said before, I sweated through, but we played netball again-which I’m good at. Unfortunately we have to go swimming next week. I don’t look particularly attractive in a swimsuit. Oh crap.

    Design technology is a subject I never have and never will be good at. Will I really need to know the difference between plywood and blockboard in later life? No, not in journalism, I doubt it very much. I sat talking with my friends in this class, and I happened to burst out laughing. Suddenly, my teacher’s head swung around,

    “YOU! YOUNG LADY!” he beckoned

    He pointed a sausage-y finger at my face, but at that moment, I felt it pointed at my very soul.

    “YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING BUT TALK AND GIGGLE THROUGHOUT THIS CLASS! I HAVE NEVER TAUGHT YOU BEFORE,NOR DO I KNOW YOUR NAME, BUT YOU ALREADY HAVE A REPUTATION IN MY BOOK WHICH ISN’T A GOOD THING IS IT?”

    He swung back around the door

    Cue *head desk*

    So I now apparently have a reputation to uphold, and that wasn’t even the best part, on my way out he said to me ” see you next class, I’ll be watching,” and then actually GROWLED. No joke, he actually went “Grrrr” -comic book style. I’ve had an eventful day, and it the first week anniversary of THAT 6th September, but hey it 10 days til my birthday- yehaw!

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    Substantially better than yesterday


    After the humiliation of yesterday, I was dreading school today. I made my side fringe extra long so my face was covered- taunting from The Lord was a 100% guarantee, well, thats if he knows me as anything other than the perv who shouted THAT sentence yesterday, or the weirdo he bugged at the Giants game.
    As our car got closer and closer to the school I quite literally felt my stomach swallow itself. That person inside my head was screaming “ABORT MISSION! ABORT ABORT! FAKE SICK AT LEAST!”
    Faking sick wasn’t a bad idea, as I genuinely felt like I was going to barf all over the dashboard.

    Walking into the school, I was lucky enough to find a friend to walk with to my locker, even she enquired why I looked so pale (on any other day I constantly look like I’m blushing all the time) , I said lack of sleep- which wasn’t a lie.

    Classes passed, and, along came break.
    But of course my friends decide to take the route going through The locker-room.

    The Lord’s Locker-room.

    You see, every year groups locker room is that year group’s territory.
    So no doubt The Lord would be there, as it was more His territory than any others.
    We walked down the stairs and horror of horrors he was there! Shit shit shit!
    He knew the two girls walking in front of me, said hello to them. Thank god, I was safe, well I was until I heard him shout and repeat at me what I’d said the day before. Asshole.

    To make matters worse,coming out the door we bumped into a teacher, Mr W, allow me to explain;
    On Monday, we had just came out of Mr W’s class, one friend beside me began humming a song, the other three friends were walking behind me.
    I jumped around and started throwing some (not so) funky moves while singing along to that song, but unbeknown to me, Mr W was behind my friends.
    It was that song called Buzzin’ (I think) if your interested.
    So, I jumped round, bellowed ” AN’ I FEEL LIKE!….”
    before I could bellow the word BUZZIN’
    I saw mr W’s face and ran to the nearest door.

    Anyway, back to the present day, and we saw Mr W walking along the path, my friends screamed “HEY MR W! WHAT DO YOU FEEL LIKE??”
    Not cool, not cool.

    Again, classes passed, and along came lunch.
    My legendary friend (well refer to her as Lol) was saying how she thought she would be a great gospel singer and so we both simultaneously burst into a very soulful (ahem) version of O Happy Day.
    But as luck would have it, we didn’t realise we had an audience, and so lol stopped after the first chorus. So there I was, standing on a bench, screeching “HALLELUJAH!” when an older pupil walks past and gives me a funny look. Crap.
    The audience burst into laughter, I fell to the ground screaming “WHY ME? THIS IS THE THIRD THING THIS WEEK I’VE COCKED UP, FIRST WITH MR W, THEN YESTERDAY, NOW THIS!”

    Question girl hasn’t lowered standards, if any teacher dare says “Any questions?” that evil dude in my head says ‘go on girl, you know you want to,”.
    Now I want to reck her pony tail, open her shirt button, loosen her tie, roll her skirt up, scream at her AND scuff her perfectly polished shoes AND trowel three inches of make up on her face AND dye her perfectly natural fair hair bright red. Just saying.

    After lunch I had the oddest conversation ever with my closest boy-mate, (we’ll change his name to, Shorty, for obvious reasons)
    This was said lining up out outside the class.

    Shorty: Hey
    Me: yo
    Shorty: sooooo…….. what ya doing ?
    Me: talking to your ugly mug what about you?
    Shorty: very Funny, so if [ex-girlfriend] asks, you and me are dating ok?
    Me: WHAT THE HELL BRO?! You and me? Dating?
    Shorty: uh yeah…
    Me: why?…. Oh I get it now… does she have a crush on you again?
    Shorty: yes!…well that’s what I heard anyway.
    Me: your such an arse you know that? This is a shit plan
    Shorty: just, if she asks ok?
    Me: like I said- total arse.

    My friends keep on and on at me that Shorty and I would make ‘the cutest couple ever’. Truth be told, I had a crush on him when I first got to know him, but those feelings were killed long ago and its never been anything more than mutual Brotherly love.
    Today my friends were saying that Shorty and I were apparently “exchanging romantic glances” in the classroom, which isn’t true. He sits in the opposite end of the classroom to me, and we communicate by mouthing words at each other ( he’s so horrendously bad at this though).

    So I suppose you could say today was marginally better than yesterday, but I will have to hide my face from all males in the year above mine from now until Christmas. Good times.

    Until next time, and remember, you can’t compare meerkats for real, believe me,
    We’ve all tried.

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    6th September- arsecrack day of the year


    Helloooo peeps

    I woke up feeling good, I knew I had my favourite teacher for a double period today and it would be the first time I’d step in that classroom since June. I was unfazed by the fact I had PE before hand, ( I would just like to make it clear at this point that I’m horrendously unfit- thus I sweat like a pig during the despicable excuse that is “physical education”)
    I was happy during PE, we played netball! thank god for that, my school has shit sport for girls, it’s hockey in the winter and laps around the track in summer, but now their introducing netball as a choice instead of hockey, and I’m very proud to say I enforced that movement by marching into the gym last year moaning about how I can’t hold a hockey stick and with one in my hand I’m a danger to myself and those around me.
    I scored three baskets for my team, and I don’t think it was because the goalkeeper was the ‘trouble maker friend’ that I mentioned in ‘Things change, People turn nasty’ (we’ll refer to her as Girl X from on shall we?)
    I wouldn’t have a competitive streak, oh no….. But needless to say my height came in handy when scoring . Goal shooter is MY speciality!
    Girl X was completely unfazed by me, well I did get a very sarcastic ‘well done Hannah!’ (< yep Hannah is my name genius) at the end of the game- with a few dirty looks thrown in. Yehaw.

    The day rolled on and along came lunch, in which comes the most embarrassing moment of my life.
    There was a situation, the girls on my year were trying to get my friend to talk to the guy shes been crushing on, and the boys from the year above ours (I don't understand why they were involved) were trying to get that particular lad to talk to my friend also. In the heart of boys from the year above, was The Lord.
    The Lord (derived from gaylord) is a four foot tall fourteen year old boy who swaggers about like everything he touches turns to gold. He's bugged the living shit out of me ever since he ripped my foam finger at a Belfast Giants game. He has a selective group of friends, and once he's got an opinion of you, its impossible to change.
    I happened to shout something, a suggestion to the crowd that might get these two young love birds talking, but what I said, was misinterpreted into something sexually inappropriate.
    I pretended to laugh, but let's say the embarrassment got to the level that I have booked a face transplant, have changed my name to Margery and am moving to Bulgaria in the dead of tonight.

    Without this embarrassment, the day got worse. I found that Id left my science homework at home which in turn got me ripped at by my teacher.
    Shitty day if you ask me.

    On another note, Theres a girl in my class that fires out questions to teachers like bullets.
    For example

    teacher: so your homework's questions 1, 2 and three in your books.

    Girl: so we do question three?

    Teach: yes and one and two

    Girl: in our classwork books?

    Voice in my head : well naw, on your hand!
    Honest to god If she had bloody well listened in the first place she would have known.
    And some things are just so obvious it's a crime to ask. But that evil little person in my head feels like recking her perfect ponytail, opening her top shirt button, loosening her tie, rolling her skirt up a few inches and screaming "BE NORMAL AND LIVE A LITTLE!!!"

    I seem to be the only one in my science class that understands the principle of conservation energy. Am I just being my nerdy self? Or is everyone else too busy reading the explicit graffiti on the desks?

    Hope you liked my little rant about the second-crappest day of my life so far.

    See you on the other side dudes, my younger sis has got Bieber on full blast in the next room, I'm getting my mallet.

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    Birthday predicament


    Yeah- as the title says, I kinda have a dilemma.
    Im feeling like My mum is pressuring me to do something for my birthday, and I said I didn’t really want to do anything just to avoid fuss as I had a pretty rough year, and invites would certainly cause arguments.

    This of course, is a lie, I’d love to get like, my entire class (give or take two or three) round my house for something really immature like fancy dress or a bouncy castle!
    My problem is that I have to please everyone, I’ve noticed that this need to be little miss friendly with everyone is more a downfall and actually causes me to appear two-faced.
    So after I told my mum that Id just throw an open invite to the movies or something, she suggested that I chose five friends max. To get dinner at a restaurant beforehand – her treat.
    At first I fretted, if I invite this person, I’ll have to invite that person or if I don’t invite so-and-so, whats-her-face won’t come.
    But I realised, half these people I’m worrying about don’t give a crap about me. It’s my birthday and after the year I’ve had, I’m gonna have a good time and not sacrifice fun for the sake of being “nice”.
    So I’ve made my decision, I’ve picked five friends, and I’ll tell the appropriate people to come to the cinema that Saturday night, and if anyone questions my actions, I’ll tell them straight . I have a pretty good idea about who might crash the party or ask me why they didn’t hear about it- so I’m mentally preparing.

    I’ve got myself in a good state of mind and I’m proud of myself.
    I shouldn’t need to be friends with everyone, it’s not good for a person, so, I’m mentally rehearsing phrases along the lines of “…..because were not really friends anymore ….”
    It’s time for me to be honest, not a beeyatch, just honest.

    And I leave you with these Wise words,

    “that’s what the world needs- more bastards”

    Ah the wise wisdom of Alex Day!

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