Category Archives: yeah…that actually happened

Nature hates me


It’s come to light on several occasions that nature, defiantly, does not like me.
Anytime I’m in a place of natural preservation, I’m chewed up and spat back out again.
I’m not the outdoor type, not because I’m prissy and couldn’t bare having mud on my new shoes but because I simply can’t deal with it, and it can’t deal with me. For example;

  • I was at a park in southern Ireland, I stepped in dog shit.
  • When i was younger, At school it was a sunny day so I lay down on the grass for a while…I then found a worm in my hair.
  • I went for a walk in a forest, tripped over a root in the ground five times.
  • At an outdoor pursuits centre we climbed up a mountain- but we climbed through all the crevices in the boulders as we went…I got properly stuck twice and had to be pulled out.
  • Anytime I attempt to go for a run or even a walk, it starts raining.
  • And finally today, at a park with my friends, I SAT yes, SAT in dog shit, seriously people bag your dog excretion for the love of God or it will find it’s way to me, and from there it’ll find it’s way onto Facebook courtesy of my friends. Love my life.
  • So as you can see, it’s pretty clear Mother Nature is holding some kind of grudge against me, seriously- But hey, gives me yet another excuse to stay on the Internet my entire life.

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    Varying levels of intelligence


    Today, I went for a walk around the country roads in which I live – as I was bored and decided while they’re was a moment when it WASN’T raining (it’s Ireland, any day it doesn’t rain is considered a ‘good day’) I’d gather myself up and lazily plod up and down hills with Ed Sheeran blasting through my earphones. I surprised myself a little by running (yes RUNNING) up a few hills and bouncing in and out of jogging and ‘power walking’.
    Typically half way, the heavens opened and turned from an a barely-there drizzle to a properly unmerciful downpour.
    After twenty minutes i eventually arrived home completely drenched and unable to see due to the amount of water on my glasses. How smart am I? Not very, as this would demonstrate.

    It’s finally hit me that I have a MASSIVE homework due that I’ve had over a month to prepare for and I haven’t got one thing done for it- and it’s to be done using this rather annoying computer software that only my school’s computers have.
    Reason why I hate technology #537

    How did everyone’s Valentine’s go? I find it the ultimate pranking opportunity, call me shallow but when an absolute beauty of a class joke can be made from an unlikely couple and then relived and placed on an entirely different level of course I’m going to be the one to step up to the plate. Let’s just say all has been forgiven, and I have been warned that revenge shall be brought upon me….
    #WatchOutWeGotABadassOverHere

    I came last in my class for Religious Education, perhaps it’s a sign…

    Definition from the Official Dictionary of Sarcasm #2
    IKEA- a retail furniture warehouse whose motto is “here you freaking’ build it”

    Should I panic now?


    Ok, so here’s the thing, I’m slight on
    edge at the current moment.

    I received one of those (what I thought to be) hilarious chain mail joke texts from a relative, but as It was a bit of a risky one, I sent it only to a handful of people that I knew should get the joke.

    After the positive feedback and endless LOLs, I sent it to a few more friends.
    But you see, I sent it to a friend who I haven’t texted in a while, and after it was sent, I got a reply asking “who is this???!” So Obviously I replied, identifying myself.
    Now I’m panicking, as my friend got a new phone recently (and possibly a new number) so I’m worrying incase of the likely she has passed on her old phone (and possible old phone number…that I sent the message too) to her sister.

    I haven’t got a reply yet, and like I said, the text was slightly risky. In fact not even slightly, it was a 50/50 chance of humorous approval. And now, I may have sent the risky text to my friend’s either younger or older sister. Who now knows who I am. Dammit.

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    An announcement and half a rant


    Well, news for you all, the whole ‘new blog thing’ is coming along nicely, I know exactly where I’m going with it and hopefully sometime soon I’ll get some sort of tester or teaser or free sample (am I the only one that treasures samples from magazines and keeps them? Or am I the only one? Just me? Ok- nothing to see here)
    Anyway, yeah, I’m working on a little tester for yo fine selves to enjoy. Yes that right, I’m actually doing this, I thought I should wait until I get a few more subscribers, but what the hell. I like to think of this thing as the exaggerated truth, stuff that happens in my life that I add and subtract to for your reading pleasure- cuz as you know I live for giving you pleasure…yeah your.mum.rates.me.

    You know what bugged me a few days ago? Don’t pee with anticipation, I’m gonna tell you as always.

    It was French, and myself and a friend looked up a word in the French dictionary, only for hilarity to consume when we saw the definition and the French equivalent. I made a poem using these words and other French words, (I’m not going to tell you, these are two teenage girl we’re talking about- it’ll be damaging to your innocent ears)
    Trying to control our laugher, we told the crowd in the table next to us, who couldn’t get the joke.
    Next class, I tried to explain what happened to the other crowd, only for them to conclude they didn’t find it funny.
    On hearing this, my friend, who for the record was falling off her chair laughing, told the other crowd she never found it funny and was only “playing along”.
    WTF? Really? Suddenly if they don’t find it funny, you don’t either? Well
    at least in know where I stand with you then. Crowd pleaser.
    Damn that annoyed. That fecking annoyed me. Really really annoyed me. Two faced. That’s all it is.

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    My new addiction


    No no no, despite the title I am not in rehab recovering from an addiction to any illegal substances.

    I’ve been trying to teach myself guitar for the past few weeks. Sitting with a borrowed guitar and a copy of Guitar for Dummies (really, no joke) and I’ve slowly grown towards it.
    I’ve finally completed Auld Lang Syne (that can’t be spelt correctly) and I sort of can play the little one-string intro from Mumford & Son’s Roll Away your Stone. I’m really really warming to the whole guitar thing, looking up tabs and chords on the web and attempting to sound like Taylor freakin Swift ends in immense joy when I make a sound on the guitar that sounds something similar to the actual song (or a sound that just generally sounds like an actual note).
    I went to piano lessons for three years and in that time I only achieved my Grade 1, passing by only a couple of marks due to the fact I completely blanked when I was asked to play the scale of G Major. This gave me a foundation for reading music.
    Last year I started singing lessons but was dropped by my teacher due to his own family matters- I’m now resuming these lessons (but with a different teacher) sometime this week.
    I came top in my class in Music last year so despite not actually being able to play an instrument, I can read music and play basic notes on the piano.
    Last week I played the triangle in our Class Orchestra along with my friends, yet I conducted them as I’m the one
    who understands musical time signatures. So it was me sitting there saying “One DING three DING, One DING three DING!”

    I played so much my fingers really really hurt. It’s all purple and stuff. Suffering for my art ๐Ÿ˜‰

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    Misseejit Can’t Ice Skate


    So as the title suggests, I went ice skating.
    It was my friend’s birthday, me, her and two others went to the ice-disco from 7-10pm.
    I’ll admit I was excited, really excited, last time I went ice skating I was about six and I can’t remember a thing. I stepped onto the ice, fine for a while, until my friends all skated ahead of me while I wobbled my way around. The excitement wore off in about half an hour when I realised I couldn’t skate to save my life.
    I personally wouldn’t take ice skating up as a hobby, and I was the only one out of my friends that wasn’t at all sporty, the birthday girl in question and another friend are the type of ‘no fear’ sporty girls that do several different sports plus training In-between. They we’re fearless, but then what do you expect from a girl that does Martial Arts, two hours of swimming four times a week, hockey and half-marathons?

    One of the biggest dangers was the Speed skaters, the boys that went around the rink at about 20 mph with their custom made skates ( I doubt neon yellow skates with neon orange laces were available to rent) and spray ice at you when they see people struggling. They’d come flying past you and knock me clean off my feet.
    Naturally, it would be human instinct to react to seeing blood. But when a clumsy, completely-lacking-skill-or-talent freak like me sees a trail of blood along the rink of course I’m gonna frigging react. Both me and the voice in my head.
    Oh My God, that’s blood? GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE HANNAH GET THE HELL OUT! G.T.F.O! ABORT MISSION! RED ALERT…LITERALLY!

    I fell the hardest on three several occasions. Ironically on my left side as ever since I severally fractured (or “completely smashed”) my right arm (on rollerblades don’tcha know) I’ve automatically shielded my arm.
    I broke my left wrist when I was four, and now it’s in pain, and my left leg is in unbelievable pain, put it this way, I can’t sit down.
    The whole time I was thinking when is this over? Let’s go home! but all the while my friends were having so much fun so I carried on with my sore ankles and aching derriรจre.

    I really wanted to just sit and watch as I was really bored of skating around and around in circles, struggling to stay up right. But I knew If I did that, I’d kick myself and hate every ounce of my earthly being for giving up.

    Finally, after hours of pain, We stepped off the ice, “have fun?” my friend said hopefully, but i knew she knew I didn’t enjoy it, I paused and thought how I’d phrase this reply,
    “I may not be able to skate, but I had some fun failing,”
    My friend giggled, Mission Accomplished.

    I brought a hat with me to the rink, it looks like a panda and as I’m currently writing this back home in my house I refuse to take my hat off. it’s comfy, warm, and I look like a complete nutter in it. That’s style for you.

    This gave me an idea on another weekly post-thingy. I’m thinking along the lines of “Peer Pressure- When my Friends Try To Get Me To Like Their Interests and Hobbies”
    This topic is relevant to me, I have friend trying to change me all the time- there’s something for your amusement. Consider this as sort of starter for you, next week we’ll be looking at religion so stay tuned kids!

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    PE, AKA torture


    I’ve never understood the subject of Physical Education. I’ve never seen it’s importance. I despise it’s existence upon the education system.

    I wouldn’t have minded it really, if the teacher hadn’t have marched in with a clipboard saying ‘Cross-Country’.
    Oh FECK. Oh FECK.

    Unfortunately, I had packed my Converse All Stars (as they have better grip in the Gym when we play netball) and coinsidently it began raining. Brilliant, rain, soaked shoes, soaked shoes, mud, running, out of breath, cold and two laps of this shit.

    Everyone that wasn’t an athlete made a plan. We’d sprint up until we were obstructed from view of our teacher then walk really slowly until the period was over so we wouldn’t have to do another few laps.
    The best part is we got this whole lecture that we should only do what were able to do, and then they put teachers at different point to shout at us if we started to walk or took short cuts. I was limping along with my hand holding my crippling pain in my left side fixing my drenched hair when I heard “COME ON GIRLS! THIS ISNT A CASUAL DANDER THROUGH THE PARK! MOVE.THOSE.FEET!”
    My hilarious friend laughed at this then screamed “Let’s see you run bitch! Fecks Sake!” then stomped on. We agreed faking injuries was our only escape, and were prepared to break limbs to avoid all running activities.

    How good am I at running? I came 7th last out of about 50-60 girls. Wow. Pure athlete, me. When I finished, all the teachers were at the entrance. “ok there Hannah?” one asked, the one I actually like. “yes, perfectly fine,”.
    Back in the changing rooms everyone asked me how I found it. I didn’t speak for about ten minutes before saying, “I’m suing the school,”

    “Good effort Hannah!” said my PE teacher, I think she only knows my name because I’m the one that’s 100% Pro-Netball, Anti-Hockey and openly unashamedly expresses my hatred for the subject without a shred of dignity. Or as I like to call it, honesty.

    I’m becoming more and more honest with people I’ve found, even my friends have noticed. I must admit, it’s not a necessarily bad trait to have, I constantly know where I stand with people. I’m actual getting requests for my honesty in situations such as “Hey, what do think of my idea for our project?” and then I’d go on to express my opinion on that idea, even negatives. At least people know I’m not fake. I mean, I’ve got friends trying to get me to all these Christian meeting etc. So I’ve just had to say “Look, this isn’t something I commit myself too, religion isn’t something I can take seriously, I respect your views but Im not currently seeing the light,”.
    Yeah, I suppose I feel a little guilty, but I’d feel worse if I lied.

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    A brief update of occurrences!


    Well? How are all of my hundreds of adoring blog readers?
    Oh sorry, my mistake, there’s not hundreds of you…theres about two.

    You may or may not have noticed that my blogging has been much less frequent than usual, I’m usually blogging everyday, rambling on about the vast waste of space I call my existence and you know what? I missed you lot!

    My group of friends’ stalker has finally learnt that standing silently among the more… popular fun kids and shoving anyone who stands in your way won’t exactly get you many brownie points. Actually, I saw her wandering around the school dance on her own, and turns out that no one had replied to a single text she sent- she sent my friend loads of texts in the space of an hour, they mostly consisted of
    “what are you wearing to the dance? ๐Ÿ™‚ xxxxxxx” or
    “will you wait outside until I arrive?” and
    “why won’t you reply? I thought we were friends ๐Ÿ˜ฆ Jk, luv u really ๐Ÿ˜‰ ttyl xxxxxxxx”

    Ttyl? TTYL? Who says that anymore?

    Moving swiftly on, and ASS has decided to rear his ugly head again and insult me once more. That dude has a problem with me and I have no idea why. He’s always making really obscene filthy references to or about me and freaking the frig out of me. If that guy wants to be a perv in later life, he’s certainly off to a good start.
    I kind of lost it and kicked him in the shins shouting “Asshole!” and he was left looking shocked.
    “what the hell was that for?” he exclaimed in his high pitched annoying voice.
    “for what you said earlier!” I said calmly, looking him in the eye, both eyebrows raised.
    ” oh, so are you gonna go cry to your Mommy, is that it? Your gonna say I hurt your feelings? Are you? Boo hoo! Boo hoo!” he said in an American accent and a whiney voice.
    I rolled my eyes. The reality of the situation is that boy has no real friends, they only like him when he’s funny, and hes an asshole to everyone all the time.

    Everyone in my class is obsessed with asking people who their “Top” are.
    Quiet literally asking them for the three or so people of the opposite gender that they find the most attractive.
    My friend ask me that today. I quickly changed the subject. “Tell me!” she said “go on!”
    “oh well!” someone else butted in, “we all know who her number one is…Shorty!”
    So yes, once upon a recent time in a land not so far away, he would have been, but no, not anymore…and probably not ever.
    The Shortster has seriously come out of his shell this year, seriously, he’s grown about four inches got a hair cut, finally lost the hair gel and I must say, who would have known that boy actually was pretty darn handsome underneath all that male bravado?
    Most girls agree he’s probably the hottest boy in our year, but often gets overshadowed by the others…as he is a bit of a weird one.

    I think that concludes all I have to say.
    And by the way, if you are reading, do comment or somehow tell me what you think, its greatly appreciated.

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    Global Warming and Masculine Humour


    In science, we were talking about fossil fuels and Global Warming and stuff. When my teacher asked about alternative energy sources that we’d need to switch to in the future, my fellow classmates said the usual, wind turbines, solar panels, Waves, water turbines- but I came up with something else.
    BioMass energy.
    It was so frigging obvious! When I said it (and was able to explain it) I got serious kudos from my fellow classmates- everyone was in a short of shock, as of to say ‘Where the hell did that nugget of knowledge come from?’
    I also made up a song as well, to the tune of Sean Kingston’s Fire burnin’ so imagine the tune to these lyrics

    Somebody call Greenpeace
    Cuz global warming taking over the whole earth y’all
    Ooh
    Gotta save the Polar Bear
    Cuz they are really rare
    On the earth y’all
    Ooh
    The water’s rising
    It is rising
    In the arctic
    The acid’s raining
    It is raining
    In the forest
    Somebody call Greenpeace
    Cuz Global warming taking over the whole earth y’all
    Ooh

    It’s nothing big or clever it’s just something that I made up and found funny at the time. No one else seemed to appreciate it though.

    I realised how much a male sense of humour I have today.
    One of my male friends told a joke about periods, “saw a bunch of moody girls sitting together, so I said “look it’s the periodic table!””
    I burst out laughing and quickly retorted with “why are women so moody during their periods? It’s such an Ovary action!”
    Me and all the boys fell about laughing.
    But my female friends didn’t appreciate it,
    “ugh, that’s actually disgusting”
    “I can’t believe you discuss that openly with boys!”
    “you have such a dirty mind!”
    I told them to calm down, and that my sense of humour was wasted when it fell upon their delicate, Disney Channel consumed ears. They didn’t appreciate that quip either.
    They went on to say that I ‘thrive on dirty jokes’
    So it’s my fault that I get on so well with boys? Im suddenly a flirt or a pervert if I join in a little joke that’s funny? I mean at this age, these kind of things are supposed to be laughed at aren’t they? Would they rather I sat there looking gormless moping about writing poems about how depressing and twists life can be? No, I wouldn’t, personally.
    They then asked me why I always laugh at everything.

    “Well if you don’t have something to smile about every minute of everyday, whats the point of it all really?”

    That deep and meaningful sentence stole from Status Shuffle shut her up quick enough.
    I don’t really like it when people question who I am and why I’m a certain way. Why the hell do they do that? As if ill be changing to fit their version of normal any time soon. I won’t be asking permission to be who I am. If they can’t stand my person, no ones forcing them to sit and talk to me. Frankly I couldn’t give half a shit. I’ve got plenty of friends, REAL friends, losing a meaningless one wouldn’t be a great loss.

    Wow that last paragraph sounded quite …ballsy and confident and angry…Yehaw for Blog Rage Therapy!

    Nothing particularly unusual happened today, apart from making references to Spongebob and fossil fuels in musical form. And I’ve just realised I have a history report on Henry VIII due on Wednesday and I’d better get started on it…and tomorrow I’ll be getting my essay entitled Wrong Place Wrong Time back tomorrow- first essay of the term and I’d like to start with a BANG and say “HEY CLASSMATES, ENGLISH IS MY TERRITORY!”
    I won’t actually say that, but english is the only subject that I’m 99.9% confident in- and I have a fierce grade reputation were essays are concerned.
    I’ll publish it on here if you’d like to hear a story about me, a pair of converse and some dog poo- but it’s very PG, as it was written for school.

    Laters dudes, I’ve got a report on a fat man to write, and I think theres a cat dying in the bathroom..my mistake it’s my sis in the shower.

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    Make up? MAKE UP??!!


    Well I kinda promised you this blog (not that there was a great demand for one), so here it is,
    I don’t necessarily have anything to write about-nothing has happened to me apart from the fact I’m just back from the cinema after seeing I Don’t Know How She Does It for the second time in a month, which isn’t even a great film, and I swear if I see Sarah Jessica Parker one more time I will scream. I’d rather see the Inbetweeners again.
    Why do I live my weekends out at the movies? Because in my crappy town, there’s nothing to do- we either walk about the town centre or go the cinema or we might stretch to the park if the weathers good. Yeah there’s youth clubs but they’re only on to about, 8pm- and the government wonders why theres so many Hoodies!
    My day consisted of,
    Wake up to sound of alarm clock
    Hit snooze
    Wake up
    Shower
    Get into school uniform and dry my hair.
    Go down stairs and eat breakfast while watching DayBreak.
    Brush teeth
    Adjust hair
    Go to school
    Sit through history and RE and get out of double maths and head to orthodontist
    In orthodontist, learn I’ll be losing a tooth and gaining some braces. In a weeks time.
    Go back to school, sit through music and science.
    Spend lunch teasing Shorty about his new love interest.
    Sit through DT and babble my way through French
    Go home and text friends
    Eat dinner and text friends
    Get ready for cinema
    Go to cinema, watch movie, leave
    Go to bed, write blog and hopefully sleep afterwards.
    My life is very boring.

    Before I went out I was putting on a bit of make up to cover up some zits when my mum walked in and offered to do my eye make up.

    I knew how this would end

    My mum is training to be a make up artist, she already has the qualifications shes just taking a course to update her skills.
    ” what eyeliner do you have?” she said
    “err, black…” I replied- grimacing when I realised I’d just asked for a lecture, most consisting of “you should have more colour…you can’t live in t shirts and jeans forever…”
    You see, my classic, typical look is

    1. T-shirt with either a funny logo or a luminous colour

    2. Jeans- preferably skinny and dark-wash

    3. Something from my extensive collection (*cough* two pairs *cough*) of Converse All Stars- usually the silver ones.

    4. Red hair in a messy bun or a (quite literally) ‘just got out of bed’ look

    5. Black eyeliner on lower eye with a light coat of mascara and peachy lip gloss. Simple.

    I have no idea why I’m telling you this I just am, I’m quite lucky that my mother understands a teenage needs to look good all the time, she let’s me wear make up and she freaking let me DYE MY OWN HAIR RED-but she does pull me back down to earth when required. She doesn’t mind me wearing make up,but within reason, foundation tide-lines that stop at the Jaw line and a blotchy liquid eyeliner job are just…no.
    And I’m not the kind of person that goes for short, tight, skirts, false tan, eyelashes and nails, crop tops and bleached hair. In a way I’m the opposite but I’m like….frumpy, I’m not the complete Susan Boyle.
    But going overboard on the makeup isn’t attractive at all. In fact, I hate it when boys spend ages gelling their hair (seriously lawds, what’s the appeal about putting GUNK in your hair?).
    I don’t wear a lot of make up, I try my best to minimise my usage.

    I’ve just realised I just made a blog about make up and clothes. I’d better go before I start plugging Barbie Dolls and fairies and unicorns and Miley Cyrus.
    Cheerio!

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