After the humiliation of yesterday, I was dreading school today. I made my side fringe extra long so my face was covered- taunting from The Lord was a 100% guarantee, well, thats if he knows me as anything other than the perv who shouted THAT sentence yesterday, or the weirdo he bugged at the Giants game.
As our car got closer and closer to the school I quite literally felt my stomach swallow itself. That person inside my head was screaming “ABORT MISSION! ABORT ABORT! FAKE SICK AT LEAST!”
Faking sick wasn’t a bad idea, as I genuinely felt like I was going to barf all over the dashboard.
Walking into the school, I was lucky enough to find a friend to walk with to my locker, even she enquired why I looked so pale (on any other day I constantly look like I’m blushing all the time) , I said lack of sleep- which wasn’t a lie.
Classes passed, and, along came break.
But of course my friends decide to take the route going through The locker-room.
The Lord’s Locker-room.
You see, every year groups locker room is that year group’s territory.
So no doubt The Lord would be there, as it was more His territory than any others.
We walked down the stairs and horror of horrors he was there! Shit shit shit!
He knew the two girls walking in front of me, said hello to them. Thank god, I was safe, well I was until I heard him shout and repeat at me what I’d said the day before. Asshole.
To make matters worse,coming out the door we bumped into a teacher, Mr W, allow me to explain;
On Monday, we had just came out of Mr W’s class, one friend beside me began humming a song, the other three friends were walking behind me.
I jumped around and started throwing some (not so) funky moves while singing along to that song, but unbeknown to me, Mr W was behind my friends.
It was that song called Buzzin’ (I think) if your interested.
So, I jumped round, bellowed ” AN’ I FEEL LIKE!….”
before I could bellow the word BUZZIN’
I saw mr W’s face and ran to the nearest door.
Anyway, back to the present day, and we saw Mr W walking along the path, my friends screamed “HEY MR W! WHAT DO YOU FEEL LIKE??”
Not cool, not cool.
Again, classes passed, and along came lunch.
My legendary friend (well refer to her as Lol) was saying how she thought she would be a great gospel singer and so we both simultaneously burst into a very soulful (ahem) version of O Happy Day.
But as luck would have it, we didn’t realise we had an audience, and so lol stopped after the first chorus. So there I was, standing on a bench, screeching “HALLELUJAH!” when an older pupil walks past and gives me a funny look. Crap.
The audience burst into laughter, I fell to the ground screaming “WHY ME? THIS IS THE THIRD THING THIS WEEK I’VE COCKED UP, FIRST WITH MR W, THEN YESTERDAY, NOW THIS!”
Question girl hasn’t lowered standards, if any teacher dare says “Any questions?” that evil dude in my head says ‘go on girl, you know you want to,”.
Now I want to reck her pony tail, open her shirt button, loosen her tie, roll her skirt up, scream at her AND scuff her perfectly polished shoes AND trowel three inches of make up on her face AND dye her perfectly natural fair hair bright red. Just saying.
After lunch I had the oddest conversation ever with my closest boy-mate, (we’ll change his name to, Shorty, for obvious reasons)
This was said lining up out outside the class.
Shorty: sooooo…….. what ya doing ?
Me: talking to your ugly mug what about you?
Shorty: very Funny, so if [ex-girlfriend] asks, you and me are dating ok?
Me: WHAT THE HELL BRO?! You and me? Dating?
Shorty: uh yeah…
Me: why?…. Oh I get it now… does she have a crush on you again?
Shorty: yes!…well that’s what I heard anyway.
Me: your such an arse you know that? This is a shit plan
Shorty: just, if she asks ok?
Me: like I said- total arse.
My friends keep on and on at me that Shorty and I would make ‘the cutest couple ever’. Truth be told, I had a crush on him when I first got to know him, but those feelings were killed long ago and its never been anything more than mutual Brotherly love.
Today my friends were saying that Shorty and I were apparently “exchanging romantic glances” in the classroom, which isn’t true. He sits in the opposite end of the classroom to me, and we communicate by mouthing words at each other ( he’s so horrendously bad at this though).
So I suppose you could say today was marginally better than yesterday, but I will have to hide my face from all males in the year above mine from now until Christmas. Good times.
Until next time, and remember, you can’t compare meerkats for real, believe me,
We’ve all tried.